turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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