I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
