my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
