how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
