whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
