who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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