I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
