I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize