Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
