you have to choose: penises or morals?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
