Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
