she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
