wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am midnight drunk by noon
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
