I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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