how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
