I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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