If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
