Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
