You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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