Duck Duck Cougar?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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