you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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