Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
