Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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