Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
