none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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