is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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