Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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