Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
