yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
