Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
