im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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