Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
