I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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