I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
