I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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