Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
