oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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