There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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