never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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