He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
