I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Your cock deserves a montage
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
