guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
