Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize