shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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