i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
