you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
