I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
