I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
