I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I love you. Go after that dick
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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