Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
