Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
