my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
