My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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