dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
