There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
