so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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