why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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