Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
