haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sex in a hospital.. check
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
