nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
