Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Houston, we have a blender
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
