smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
