i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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