What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
