I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
