Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
