I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
