is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
