I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
